


Lost and Found

by Aria6



Series: A Coyote's Stories [53]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Amnesia, M/M, Rebirth, false imprisonment, post aizen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-15
Updated: 2015-02-15
Packaged: 2018-03-13 02:23:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3364211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aria6/pseuds/Aria6





	Lost and Found

The young man gazed at his reflection in the shop window, examining himself with a vague sense of curiosity.

_Who am I?_ He rested his hand on the window, unworried about leaving fingerprints. He always wore gloves, although he didn't know why. The man he saw in the surface of the mirror was youthful although not young. His hair touched his shoulders, a brush of warm chestnut, and his grey eyes were tired and old. _Why am I here?_

He knew nothing about himself, aside from his name. He'd just woken up one day, completely naked and confused. The authorities had snapped him up for public nudity and soon realized they had a problem on their hands. Despite his fluent knowledge of Japanese, everything about him had screamed that he was a foreigner. There had been signs of bad injuries, half-healed wounds, and it had been presumed that he had been mugged and left for dead. They told him he had amnesia and he knew it had to be true… other people had families, parents, lives. All he had was his name.

That had left the authorities in a minor predicament. They had checked over all the missing person records for anyone matching his description and come up empty. They'd checked for him by name, by fingerprints, everything they could think of. To all appearances, he did not exist. So despite the near certainty that he was not Japanese, he was officially Japan's problem. It was hard for them to deport him without a country to deport him to.

That had resulted in him going through various social services. At first, he'd been placed in a halfway house, meant to rehabilitate criminals. That had worked well enough. They had assessed his education – almost nothing – and found him a job and an apartment that he could keep on his salary. His work at a local florist shop was not any kind of career, but it was enough to put food on the table and a subsidized roof over his head.

Shoving his hands in his pockets, he began to walk away. He wished he knew something about his past. Who was he, really? Did he have a family? Someone who loved him? Given the meaning of his name it seemed unlikely. Yet, he couldn't help but dream.

What happened next was pure chance. He glanced across the street and saw a ponytail, saw little pins glittering in the sunshine. And abruptly, he was seized by the utter conviction. _I know that person!_ Heedless of the danger, he darted across the road. He ignored the scream of tires, the blaring of horns as he shouted.

"Taichou-san!" The man's head snapped around and he saw shocked grey eyes as he made the curb, narrowly avoiding catastrophe. He was oblivious to the angry motorists behind him as he ran to the man. "Taichou-san!" He stopped, pausing to catch his breath. "I… I…" Looking into the man's face, he saw shock and something like horror. ( _Why am I calling him captain? I don't understand._ )

"Coyote Starrk?" The man said and he blinked.

"I… uh…" That… wasn't his name. "Oh. I – I must have been mistaken." Recognition was fading and in its' wake was intense embarrassment. "I'm very sorry." Glancing around, he saw people were staring at them. Ducking his head, he tried to beat a retreat. But then a hand caught his shoulder.

"No, wait!" The man said urgently and he paused, struck by the tone. "What is your name?"

"… Hastiin Ezhno." He said, looking at the man again. The familiarity was gone but he was still very interesting. The way this stranger was looking at him was so intent, so searching. Rarely did anyone look at him with any interest, let alone so intensely. "What is yours?" Taichou-san was no kind of name. Had he perhaps been in the military? But surely that wasn't how you spoke to a captain. Was it? The man gave him a warm smile.

"Kyoraku Shunsui. Please, will you come to tea with me?" He asked and Ezhno ventured a small, tentative smile. His luck with any kind of personal relationships was very poor, mainly because he found it so hard to reach out. But this man… something about him moved him to try.

"I would like that." He said shyly. He let Shunsui draw him towards a local tea shop and just went with the flow.

More than anything in his life, he desperately wanted a friend.

* * *

For Ezhno, the next six months were like a wonderful dream.

At first, he just met Shunsui for tea. He didn't have much to say – his past was a blank and his present was rather boring – but that didn't seem to matter. To the contrary, Shunsui seemed to find it interesting, trying constantly to pry things out of him. Ezhno knew he was difficult to get to know, but that usually moved most people to abandon him. Not Shunsui, and he loved that about the other man.

He loved so many things about Shunsui. He loved that he wore his hair in such an interesting style, without caring what anyone might think. He loved the silky pink kimono he wore sometimes, particularly when they had tea at his home. Perhaps, most of all, he loved the mystery around the other man.

If he was hard for Shunsui to know, the other man was certainly returning the favor. He knew a few basic things about him… for one, Shunsui seemed to be well off or even rich. He owned or rented a very beautiful home in the best section of Karakura town and he was always ready to pick up a bill, even when Ezhno would rather he didn't. He knew that Shunsui enjoyed green tea and sake but did not care for coffee. He knew that Shunsui particularly liked pork buns, especially with sake.

And that was all he knew. Whenever he tried to learn more, Shunsui would eel away, somehow giving him the impression he was receiving something but leaving him with nothing at all. Ezhno sometimes thought he would make a great politician. Saying nothing while seeming to say everything… was that not their stock in trade?

The one night he treasured above all others, though, was the night they first became lovers. It had started, oddly enough, with a conversation about their names.

"You have such a strange name. I've never heard anything like it before. What does it mean?" Shunsui asked as they shared a cup of sake. Ezhno paused before looking into his cup with a faint sadness. His name… his name was a source of pain for him.

"My last name is Navajo. My first name is more generic." He thought so, anyway. He'd googled them. "Hastiin means man. Ezhno means solitary. So, solitary man." He took a deep swallow of his sake, chasing away the sorrow. "What does your name mean?"

"Shunsui is my given name and it means spring water. Kyoraku is my family name and, loosely, it means enjoyment of the capital. My family has always been a bit sybaritic." He said lightly and Starrk smiled at the thought.

"It suits you." Shunsui was an outgoing man, very popular with the ladies. They had frequented nightclubs together several times and Ezhno had been able to see him in action. "It makes me wonder what you would taste like." He said before abruptly freezing. That… could be taken entirely the wrong way. Or rather, the right way. He was deeply attracted to Shunsui and doing everything he could to hide it. If the other man found out how he felt, would he be revolted? Ezhno did not want to endanger his only real friendship. Shunsui looked briefly startled before an amused smile crossed his face.

"Are you coming onto me?" He asked and Ezhno looked into his sake cup, feeling the heat creeping across his skin. "Ezhno." A hand caught his chin, forcing him to look up and meet warm grey eyes. Shunsui… did not seem revolted. Quite the contrary…. He was interested? "Do you want me?"

"Yes." He breathed the word, hearing the husky note in his own voice. "I… have always been this way…" He'd known that almost from the moment he'd awoken, naked in the streets. "Please, do not be offended…" He couldn't help the pleading note in his voice. If Shunsui decided to end their friendship, it would break his heart. They only met a few times a week, sometimes less, but it still meant so much to him.

"Offended?" There was a strange note in his voice, something Ezhno didn't understand. "Why would I be offended that you find me attractive?" Shunsui asked and he didn't know what to say. And then warm lips were covering his and Ezhno's eyes went wide. That was… the first kiss… that he could remember…

But perhaps it was not his first kiss, not really, because his body seemed to know what to do. He melted into the kiss, allowing Shunsui to plunder his mouth, returning the passion he found there. It was perfect…

The sex that followed was also perfect. Their bodies fit together so well and Ezhno found himself turned into a gasping, sweat soaked mess, as expert hands and lips teased and tormented him. When Shunsui slid home into his body, it was like a breath of heaven. Ezhno was vaguely aware of his own voice, raised in pleasure, but he did not care. If the neighbors heard, what of it? He was not ashamed of this.

When they were done and lying together, spent and tired, he lay in Shunsui's arms and for the first time in almost forever, he truly felt loved. Letting himself just bask in the feeling, Ezhno smiled and nestled against Shunsui, savoring his warmth.

He didn't believe it could really last, of course. Good things never really happened to him. But for a while, he could pretend.

* * *

Ezhno gazed at his diary disconsolately, then put it away with a small sigh. Reaching down, he rubbed his belly with a small grimace. He was painfully hungry.

It was sad to contemplate, but he never ate well. His diet was mainly rice and lentils, which were cheap. He tried to buy eggs, but they were more expensive. Most fresh produce was outside of his means. He often found the cheapest items, closest to spoiled. And sometimes, when he was very hard up, he did what he was doing now.

He was going to see what could be found in the neighborhood dumpsters. He needed to be cautious about it. In the better neighborhoods, the police would arrest him for such behavior. Ezhno wasn't entirely certain why given that he was taking things no one wanted. Perhaps because he was lowering the property values?

Smiling to himself at the thought, he gripped the edges of a large green dumpster and hid himself inside before beginning to poke around. To his delight, he immediately found a half-rotten apple. Taking out a small paring knife, he removed the rotten part before beginning to eat. As he ate, he continued to search. Perhaps there would be some peanut butter? People often didn't realize that it was good long after its expiry and it was very nutritious and filling…

"Where is he?" Ezhno froze at the sound of that voice. It sounded like the owner was talking to himself. "Is this thing defective? It says I'm almost on top of him!" Swallowing, he peeked over the edge of the dumpster. To his further shock, it was Shunsui and he was looking at something in his hands. An electronic gizmo of some sort? A… tracker? _Me? Could he be tracking me?_ Why would Shunsui bother? He was no one important! And… how could he do such a thing? What was going on here? "I swear, it says he's in that – oh." Their eyes met and Ezhno could see the shock on his lover's face. And he suddenly felt an intense embarrassment as he realized he'd been caught sorting through trash by a man he truly cared about, someone who lived in a nice house and had likely never eaten someone else's garbage in his life.

"I, um… apple?" He offered what was left of the fruit, his mind running on autopilot. Shunsui looked at it in disbelief and he drew back his hand, feeling a great shame. "I… were you looking for me…?" He could be hard to find. He had no cell phone, no land line either, because he could not afford them. Although, he was often at his work. Shunsui usually found him there. His lover blinked before taking a breath.

"Ezhno, what are you doing in a dumpster?" He asked and he looked at the food in his hand for a moment. Then he looked at the man he loved, wondering if he would understand. Well… it wasn't really that hard to understand, was it?

"I have no money and I'm hungry." He said simply. Although… "You do not need to buy me things. I will be fine." Shunsui treated him too much, he thought. He did not need charity and did not want to get in the habit of sponging off the other man. "…How did you find me here?" That part was mildly creepy. Had his lover put some kind of tracker on him? That seemed insane but how else had he known he was here?

"Don't need…? You're eating out of the garbage!" Shunsui said, conveniently ignoring his question. Ezhno bit his lip before deciding to go along with it. He didn't want to push too hard. "Get out of there. I'm taking you to the grocery store, right now."

"But… I can't…" He started to protest but Shunsui glared at him, grabbing his arm and pulling him out. Ezhno almost fell out of the dumpster but his lover caught him. "This isn't… I don't need…"

"Yes you do. Haven't you gone to the food bank?" He asked and Ezhno blinked.

"That is for those in need… uh…" Shunsui was giving him a look like he was an idiot. "I manage." He said defensively. He hadn't starved yet, just gone a bit hungry between paychecks, particularly when the rent was due.

"Eating out of trash cans isn't managing." He said firmly and Ezhno could tell he would not be budged from that opinion. And truthfully, it was a thought most people would share. Resigning himself, he allowed Shunsui to take him to the store. Although when they got there…

"I do not need so much!" He protested as Shunsui began filling up the cart. "I only have a tiny freezer." It had come with the apartment and fritzed out constantly. He really didn't like to use it. The fridge beneath it was better, thankfully. "And this is expensive…" The fish he was picking out was especially pricy. Tuna? Shunsui frowned at him before looking at the cart.

"I suppose… what would you prefer?" He asked and Ezhno gratefully took over. He put back most of the fresh items and went for the canned, as well as beans and rice. Those would all keep well. And if his lover was going to do this for him, he did not want the gesture to go to waste. "Surely you need some fresh food?"

"Er… maybe something for the next few days." Some fresh vegetables and meat, the things he usually could not afford. Shunsui put the tuna back into his cart and Ezhno sighed to himself but said nothing. He'd already tried to refuse. Continuing would be unmannerly. "I appreciate this." He said softly as they went to the register. He felt relieved but… not good. He wished, more than anything, that Shunsui had not found him there. _But how did he find me?_ That still worried him. He knew nothing about Shunsui, what he did, how he made his living. A hand caught his shoulder and Ezhno blinked in surprise as he was turned to look into Shunsui's face.

"Please, don't be ashamed. We all need help sometime." He said softly and Ezhno looked down, feeling tired and rather sad. "You need a better job." He said with a frown as he paid for the groceries with a credit card.

"I have tried to apply for a job as a mover but without even a high school degree…" It seemed that no place was willing to even consider him without that. The florist shop got a special deal for employing someone from the halfway house, and while they were pleased with his work ethic, they would not be raising his wages. He was easily replaceable, after all. "It does not matter. I will be fine." He refused to worry about it. Shunsui gave him a troubled glance.

"We'll discuss it." Was all he said and Ezhno had no idea what there was to discuss. He had no time to attend classes, no money to purchase them with. And while he was fluent in Japanese, his other skills were nonexistent. It had taken the florist shop some time and patience to get him trained to use the register, and when the old thing broke down and he had to use a calculator, well… it was difficult. He was talented at sketching but what good was that? "Here, let me help you take these home." That made his eyes widen in a touch of panic. He'd never brought Shunsui to his apartment and for very good reason.

"Err… it is not very clean." He said awkwardly. It was actually immaculate, he had a mania for neatness. Shunsui gave him an amused but disbelieving look.

"Really? Riku mentioned to me that anytime you see something even mildly out of place, you tidy it up." That was his employer and Ezhno hunched his shoulders. "He also mentioned that you're constantly sweeping and dusting. Perhaps you should try again?"

"…It is cheap and tiny." He said after a moment. It seemed he was a terrible liar so perhaps the truth would do. "Also uncomfortable. It was furnished for me." With all the cheapest things available. Not that he would fault the social workers. What else were they to do with someone like him? Shunsui smiled at him then and it was warm and gentle.

"I would still like to see it." He said and Ezhno had to accept that. He only hoped the whole package didn't drive his friend and lover away. Really, he was nothing compared to this man…

His apartment was in the worst section of Karakura town, the most plagued by the problems with gangs. Ezhno had occasionally considered joining one. He had no idea where he had learned to fight but he was very, very good at it. Every time he thought of it, though, a sense of caution urged him away. He had a feeling he might be _too_ good and that something unfortunate might happen. He was not sure how that would work but he had the distinct feeling that being very good was not always an asset.

"I live on the third floor. I am afraid the elevator does not work." He said quietly and Shunsui nodded. The elevator was supposed to get fixed. They had been told that for over a year. But then, the only disabled units were on the first floor, so it was only a minor inconvenience. They carried the groceries upstairs and Ezhno glanced around worriedly as he brought Shunsui inside. Fortunately, the apartment was as immaculately clean as he remembered.

It was, however, very cheap. That showed in all the finishings… the kitchen, in particular, had experienced a hard life. He was good with his hands and he had fixed the cabinetry a bit, but nothing would ever remove all the nicks and gouges. There had been a leak in the ceiling at some time and while it had been repaired, there was a deep stain. Another ugly stain ran down the wall in the living area. Ezhno had no idea what had caused it, but he knew it was part of the wall. He'd given a dedicated effort to cleaning it and barely made a dent. The furniture was all very cheap and uncomfortable. Speaking of which…

"The sofa… it is not bad but hard to stand up from." The springs were very… not springy. He could not think of a word for it. "Oh… those are mine." Shunsui had noticed the pictures, neatly arranged on the kitchen table. Ezhno began putting away the groceries as he heard the other man shuffling through them.

"These are beautiful." There was an odd note in his voice. Surprise? "You never mentioned you could draw." Ah, surprise and a touch of vexation. Ezhno shrugged slightly.

"They are nothing. A waste of money." It cost him money to purchase the paper, money that would be better spent on food. But he would rather go hungry than stop drawing entirely. Turning he saw Shunsui giving him a disbelieving look. "I have tried to sell them. No one wants them." Of course, perhaps a street corner wasn't the best place. But where else could he take them?

"You know, most people can't do this." Shunsui said after a moment. Ezhno just shrugged. While that might or might not be true, what did it matter? "…This picture." He said, pulling one in particular out. "What is this?"

"The desert." He drew that often. "I remember it a little." He admitted. He'd never told Shunsui this before, since the memories were so vague. "The sands, they were white. There was a girl… but that is all I know." He said before shrugging. "It is nothing." Not enough for the authorities to go on. And he hadn't mentioned the strange piles of bones to them. He was not stupid.

"I see." Why did Shunsui sound so strange? And why did he care about any of this? Ezhno gave him a curious glance but he was looking at another picture with a troubled expression. "Is this a real place?" He asked and Ezhno left off putting the groceries away to see what he was looking at. That picture… he knew that picture well. He often took it out to just look at it, feeling a deep pain coupled with regret. The picture itself was the sands he remembered so well, but with buildings. Not the great things from his dreams, but smaller things, things that spoke of families and shops and _normal._ There were streets and figures there, although they were not detailed, the merest wisps. Yet, if he could have defined the emotion they held, he would have said they were happy.

"No." Something about that picture, with Shunsui looking at it, suddenly ignited a great rage in his heart. He could hear it in his own voice as he picked up the picture. "It is lies, sold to fools to make them follow like children." He crumpled the picture in his hand and as the drawing was ruined, the rage receded. He blinked, seeing Shunsui staring at him. "…I am sorry. I do not know why I did that." His own mind could be a great mystery to him. Shaking his head, he tossed away the bit of paper. "Would you like to stay for supper?" For once, he had everything needed to make a very good meal. Rice and tuna and salad, seasoned well with spices… yes, he could make something delicious. Shunsui shook his head.

"You worry me sometimes." He murmured but Ezhno blinked at him, not understanding. He saw that and gave him a small smile. "Yes, I will stay. Would you like some help?"

"Mmm, there is not much room." His kitchen was tiny. "But you can peel some carrots…" Soon, he was working hard at preparing the meal. Ezhno put everything he had into it, intending to make it very good.

There was nothing much he could do about his apartment, but he could at least show that he was able to cook.

* * *

His relationship with Shunsui ended as oddly as it had begun.

Ezhno had no cell phone, but he could always use the phone at the florist shop. He often used it to call Shunsui. Yet often, he did not answer and then Ezhno just left a message. So it was not strange at all, that Shunsui was not answering his phone.

It was strange that he had not contacted Ezhno for a week. And then, the phone rang out of service. Deeply worried and apprehensive, he went to the house and found there was a for rent or sale sign in the lawn. For a long time, he stared at it in bewilderment. Shunsui… had moved?

"…" Grey eyes dimmed as he looked at the sign and Ezhno felt a deep pain in his heart. He didn't understand what was happening but he did understand one thing about it. Shunsui was gone and he was sure, with utter certainty, that he would not see the other man again. He put his gloved hands in his pockets and began to walk away. As he did, he slowly turned the matter over in his mind.

Shunsui had always been a great mystery to him. He had no idea what the man did for a living, just that he'd somehow put a tracker on him. That hinted at something strange, although Ezhno was not a fanciful person and did not believe that a person like him met spies or secret agents. Of course, Shunsui could be a criminal of some sort. Yes, perhaps that was it. But why would he take such interest in him then suddenly vanish this way?

Of course, perhaps he was not alive. That thought hurt him deeply and yet… it was a better pain than thinking himself abandoned. Yes, perhaps that was it. If Shunsui did something very strange for a living, it might make sense that someone would disconnect his phone and arrange for his home to be rented out again after he… died. Ezhno reached up to rub his eyes, feeling a bit sick at the thought.

The other option, of course, was that he was simply abandoned. Shunsui had moved away and left his temporary lover behind. Ezhno looked at the ground before shaking his head. He did not want to think that. No… he would believe that Shunsui was dead, if he was not contacted in another month. Perhaps he'd simply lost his phone in a move. It was unlikely, but he would give his lover some time.

There was no contact. Ezhno went to work every day, cleaning and ringing up customers as he felt dead inside. When the month was over, he took what little money he had and bought a little cherry tree. He knew Shunsui would have preferred a sakura, but those were all too expensive. He took it to the best place he could find, a local park, and planted it there. He tended to it with loving care, making it into a small tribute to his lost love. Because surely Shunsui was dead. He would not have just vanished and left him all alone…

As time went by, Ezhno found a kind of peace. He'd always known good things did not happen to him, not really. If he loved someone then he was doomed to lose them, for that was the way his life worked. He would be content with the memories he had made, the time they'd had together. The little tree would be a symbol of those times.

Then something truly unexpected happened.

It started when the police came to the florist shop. They wanted to question him about Shunsui's disappearance. He told them what he could, which was very little. Some of their questions, though, alarmed him. They asked why he had not reported the disappearance. He tried to explain that their relationship did not really work like that… Shunsui knew where he was, because his life was boring and predictable. But he had never known anything about Shunsui, about his work or his friends. How could he know if Shunsui had disappeared if he knew so little? And he suspected that Shunsui's line of work was… strange… and he might not appreciate a police report. Ezhno had a bad feeling that the police did not understand.

That feeling got worse as he went to the park and found that his little tree had been dug up. That caused him deep pain, but also alarm as he saw the police tape. What did they think he…? Feeling upset and very worried, he went home. They would not find what they were looking for, but would that matter?

Not really. When he was arrested for murder, Ezhno found he was not very surprised. He was a touch upset to be accused of something he had not done, and he made that clear to his court appointed lawyer when the man tried to convince him to plead guilty.

"I will not say I did something I did not do." He said very firmly as the man looked at him with a trace of disgust. Because he was a foreigner? Because he thought he was guilty? Or, perhaps, because he was making his job more difficult? "I am not even certain he is dead." Although the thought that he might not be was very hurtful. Was he on a beach somewhere, sipping sake and smiling at the ladies? Ezhno sighed to himself. He could picture it easily.

"This is a good plea bargain. If you go to trial you could have a much longer sentence." The man warned him, but he was indifferent. He could mourn Shunsui anywhere, and they had already ruined his cherry tree.

The trial went badly for him. It actually wasn't too bad until he took the stand. Ezhno had tried to bow out of it, telling his lawyer he could not speak in front of so many people, but for some reason that was not acceptable. So he took his spot and did his best, but it wasn't very good. He was so poor at expressing himself and the questioning soon rendered him almost mute, as the man tried to confuse him. The situation was all insanely stressful for him and despite knowing he'd made a terrible impression, he was glad when he was finally able to escape.

He was found guilty on all charges and given a very stiff sentence. Ezhno did wonder how they could be so sure Shunsui was dead… no body had ever been recovered. But apparently, his 'suspicious' behavior was enough. He accepted the verdict and mentally made the best of it. At least he wouldn't have to worry about food anymore, or paying the rent. All of that would be taken care of, now.

Jail, however, was an interesting experience. And he soon realized that he'd been very, very wise not to join a gang.

"New meat." A stranger tried to shove him and Ezhno avoided it automatically. The other man balled up a fist and took a shot at his face, but to Ezhno he seemed to be moving almost comically slowly. It was the easiest thing in the world to catch his wrist and twist his arm behind his back, catching him in an unbreakable grip.

"What is your name?" He asked curiously as the man in his grip struggled, his face pale with pain. "You are only making it worse." He said gently as the other inmates stared. They had clearly not expected the tables to be turned so abruptly. "What is your name?" He wanted to know.

"Uh… Kota! Argh, let go of me!" The man in his grasp gasped out. Ezhno ignored that, waiting patiently. _(This was familiar. He'd dealt with those who respected only strength before.)_ "Ogawa Kota!" He eased his grip, then, although he didn't fully release the man.

"You see? That was not difficult. I am Hastiin Ezhno. Now – " Someone else was moving and Ezhno sensed the threat. He released Kota, turning with an instinctive agility. He lashed out with his foot, vaguely registering a weapon. That ignited instincts and he seemed to merely brush his hand along the back of an unprotected neck. But the brutal crunch told the true story and Ezhno blinked as the man went down in a crumpled heap. "…Oh." He looked at the body with mild dismay. There was a glitter of metal, a makeshift weapon of some sort. Bending down, he checked for a pulse. He did not find one. There was dead silence around him before the guards arrived.

In a way, that incident was not good for him. In another way, though, it was very helpful. It was a great black mark on his record. More time was added to his sentence and for some time, he was kept strictly separated from the other prisoners. When he was allowed to mingle with them again, though, he was given great respect. Being regarded with such fear and wariness… it was not welcome, precisely, but it was very familiar. He couldn't shake the feeling that he'd experienced this all before.

To the other inmates, he was very strange and soon he had a reputation for being odd and dangerous. However, they soon realized that he did not start trouble… he only ended it. So the inmates took care not to start anything with him and gradually, everything relaxed. Ezhno found that he was fitting in reasonably well. He was still alone but there were others who would speak to him, pretend to be his friend. That was enough.

Things went on in that manner for perhaps a year. Ezhno did not bother to keep track of the time. He was leaning against a wall in the exercise yard, his hands in his pockets as he gazed up at the sun when two of the inmates came to join him.

"Ezhno! How did you like breakfast?" The older of the two, the man who had robbed dozens of banks, asked him with a friendly smile. He was an affable sort of fellow, hiding the danger within. It reminded him a little of Shunsui. He returned the man's smile.

"Well enough. I liked the French toast." It had been an unusual breakfast, which was probably why he'd mentioned it. They usually had leftover rice, stewed into a porridge. "It was very sweet." He wouldn't have liked it every day but once in a while, it was a nice change of pace.

"What I liked was the eggs on it." The other man, a short intense one, put in. Ezhno nodded. The toast had been coated in eggs and it had been very pleasant. "So did you hear about what Maito did…?" What followed was a bit of gossip and it explained a bit of the rumors he'd heard floating around. But as the other man spoke, Ezhno felt… threat. Danger. Narrowing his eyes, he glanced to one side, then the other. What was he…?

_Starrk._ He froze as he heard that voice, like a whisper in the wind. It was… familiar. And the tone… _You fucking failure._

"Ezhno? Is something wrong?" The older man had noticed his preoccupation. Swallowing, he turned his attention away for a moment. He wasn't sure he considered them friends but… they deserved better than what he sensed was about to happen.

"Yes. Get inside." He said, his voice husky with dread. He heard laughter in the back of his mind, so cruel and soulless. Why was it familiar? That voice, he knew that voice. "There is –" That was as far as he got before he sensed, more than felt, the movement. He reacted with the incredible speed he'd shown when he'd killed that man. His arm went up, catching the blow that would have hit his friend in the face.

But it was no normal blow. Both the inmates stared in shock as they heard the ugly crunch of bone breaking and Ezhno grimaced in pain before he struck out at what he _knew_ had to be there. His speed was second to none and he heard a surprised and angry sound of pain as his fist hit what felt like a brick wall. Pain radiated up his arm before his wrist was grabbed.

Now it was his turn to be immobilized, as he was yanked around, his arm forced behind him at an unnatural angle. But now he could almost see his assailant… white and blue was coming into view, hazing over his eyes. To his utter relief, the inmates were running for cover and the guards were helping, trying to understand what was happening. There were screams about ghosts and evil spirits, which was pretty much accurate.

"Grimmjow." He rasped out, grey eyes narrowed dangerously as a face swam into view. Very white teeth, bared in a familiar, feral grin. "You… survived."

"And you didn't." The voice was truly clear, now. Memories were sliding back into his mind even as he became conscious of the power within his body. He was very strong, even contained within this mortal flesh. Had Shunsui realized that? No… he'd been lulled by his amnesia, giving up his surveillance too soon. Ezhno understood everything, now. "How'd you turn into a human?" That… was an interesting question and he really had no idea. "Pah, it doesn't matter. I'll eat you and be the strongest."

"Same old wheeze…" Did Grimmjow's motivation ever change? Probably not. "I don't think so." Grasping the power inside himself, he concentrated hard. The fluctuating ball of energy he formed in front of his chin was like a cero, but not. He forced it release to the side, hitting the Espada in the chest. There was a roar and his arm was released. Ezhno ( _Starrk? No, that name was never right_ ) surged to his feet. He turned and fell into a fighting position.

Yet, his body was merely human. He couldn't match an Espada's sonido. The blow happened so fast that he couldn't even follow it… a foot took him in the stomach and a fist followed, hammering him in the chest. He heard his ribs shattering, saw the blood flying out of his mouth and vaguely knew that something had ruptured, deep inside. The force of the blow tossed him across the practice yard and he hit the fence, grimacing as he slowly slid down. The pain was… severe…

He fully expected Grimmjow to finish him off, while he was dying and helpless. Yet, he didn't. Ezhno blinked, vaguely seeing flashes of blue? That strange power… ah. _Quincy._ One of the defenders of Karakura town had arrived. A bit late, perhaps, but better late than never…

It didn't take very long for him to die. Grimmjow had done catastrophic damage to his organs. Ezhno freed himself from his body before glancing himself over. There was no chain of fate, no sign that he was a plus soul. He appeared to be a shinigami, which brought a dull pain to his heart. More memories were coming back, from the time before he'd been a hollow, an Espada. Those memories explained why he would have a shinigami nature…

Setting aside that terrible truth, he reached for his sword. The Quincy was in trouble and there was no sign of the Kurosaki boy. Was he gone to University, elsewhere? Perhaps, it had been some time. Hopefully Soul Society would send someone quickly. For now…

"Help me, Nina." He said softly and his sword responded, although he could not hear her clearly yet. Although he would, if he had any time. Would he be given that time? It seemed unlikely. The sword glowed and changed, becoming curved like a scimitar. He instinctively sensed the power in it and smiled as he activated it. "Wolf Stalks from the Shadows." He slid smoothly into a shadow and reemerged behind Grimmjow. The Espada had no time to react before he was stabbed, quite badly. It was all very familiar…

"STARRK YOU FUCKER!" Ezhno laughed, as he met Grimmjow's enraged attack. The Espada was looking utterly murderous, infuriated by both him and the Quincy. What was his name? He'd forgotten, if he'd ever known. But really, he had only to delay the Espada. Soon the forces of Soul Society would arrive.

"Bushogoma!" Ezhno leapt aside and immediately retreated as he heard that familiar, painful, beloved voice. He caught only a brief glimpse of Shunsui, met those grey eyes for the shortest of moments before he was leaping over the rooftops. The shinigami could take care of Grimmjow. He was only concerned about himself.

It would undoubtedly be futile, but he would not let them take him that easily.

* * *

Ezhno sat on the edge of a building, gazing over the poor part of Karakura town. If he looked further, he could find his own apartment building. He could even go up the stairs and walk through the door, but what would be the point? Everything he owned would be long gone. Or, perhaps, given to the next inhabitant. He hadn't purchased most of it, after all.

He turned his head as he felt a familiar reiatsu behind him. His eyes dimmed as he saw the pink kimono, the way hands were kept near sword hilts. Sighing, he placed his feet on the lip of the roof and turned around, facing the other man. Shunsui was staring at him and his expression was stern, his eyes cold.

"Hello Shunsui." He said quietly, feeling the familiar ache in his soul. Did this ever change? It seemed not. "Are you here to kill me?" He was sure he was. Shunsui ignored the question, as was his habit.

"Why were you in prison?" He asked and Ezhno paused before smiling. It was a warm, amused smile.

"For the murder of my lover, who disappeared and was presumed dead." He said lightly and felt the laughter bubbling up as Shunsui's eyes went wide. "I suppose it's fair enough. He was always dead, technically, although I didn't kill him…" The look on Shunsui's face… he couldn't help it. He laughed as the man stared, shocked.

"What… how?! The memory modifiers… no one should have remembered me!" He protested and Ezhno shrugged, still smiling. "And we watched you for months!"

"Mmm, they were probably building a case for all that time. It's difficult, when a body cannot be found." He said lightly and saw Shunsui swallow. "They wanted me to plead guilty for a reduced sentence. I refused, of course. I was innocent, after all. But isn't everyone in prison innocent?" He'd heard that joke before.

"Oh kami. Starrk, I'm sorry." Shunsui sounded sick and Ezhno frowned.

"Ezhno. Starrk was my hollow name, not my real name." He did not appreciate it, now that he remembered. That made Shunsui tilt back his hat with one hand although Ezhno noticed that his other did not stray far from the hilt of his weapon. And his initial question had not yet been answered. Yet, did he even care? Not really. "Would you like to hear the story?" Shunsui had always wanted to know his past but he'd been unable to tell him. Now he could. The other man nodded.

"Please." He said and Ezhno smiled as he looked up at the moon. How familiar it was…

"Long ago and far away, I was born into a small but strong family tribe." He said, remembering that far off time. "My mother was very beautiful. Her hair was black as the darkest midnight, her eyes the warmest brown and her face… she was truly beautiful, beyond any other woman in the tribe." He smiled at Shunsui, a crooked, sad expression. "She was raped by a man she could not see." That made a brief flash of horror cross the shinigami's face, before he clamped down on the emotion. "The others found her in the meadow, covered in her own blood. They were expert trackers but they could find no trace, no footsteps but her own."

"When I was born, the shaman said I was powerful, but it was the wrong kind of power. He told the chieftan I should be taken into the forest, left for the wolves and the coyotes." He said softly. "My mother would not hear of it and the chieftan stood behind her. He was my uncle, you see." They had all been related but that relationship had been close. "As I grew, the shaman's wisdom became clear. I drew in evil spirits like spoiled meat draws flies. When I was eight years old, he tried to drown me. My mother caught him and forced him to stop." He gazed at the moon for a moment, remembering.

"I was a stranger to my own people. They feared me, dreaded the ill fortune I brought to them." He said sadly, remembering the isolation. "Except one little girl. Her name was Nina. She was of no account… her mother had been a slave, captured in war against another tribe, and she'd died when Nina was young. Her father was unknown but could have been three different men. Perhaps it is no surprise she would take to the company of another outsider." He breathed slowly for a moment. "We had many good times together." Nina had been much younger, but they had played anyway. Who else did they have to play with?

"As I began to become a man, though, things changed." He continued sadly. "The spirits that came for me became worse, stronger and more malign. The shaman began demanding that I be thrown out of the tribe. My mother resisted and the chieftan was torn… his position was being undermined by me." He remembered being deeply pained by that. His uncle had been distant but not unkind to his young nephew. "So I decided I would leave. I took my bow, my tools, and left."

"I had a destination in mind… a great, desolate desert, several days walk from our tribal grounds." He said softly, remembering. "It was said to be a place of dark and evil spirits and I knew that to be true. I intended to kill as many as I could, before I died. I was thirteen years old." Just a boy, really. But old enough to make a man's choice. "What I did not realize was that little Nina had followed me… I killed two of the monsters but a third had me. That was when she tried to save me." The pain of what had happened then haunted him still. "Poor little Nina… it ate her first, as I lay dying in my own blood. I could only watch. Then, it ate me as well. And we became the seeds of the strongest hollow to ever exist." Looking back down, he smiled sadly at Shunsui, knowing that his eyes would look so very tired. Gripping the hilt of his sword, he drew it in one quick move. Shunsui's blades both came out a split second later, as he flipped them into place with his usual flourish. "Now, are you here to kill me, taichou-san? I think I deserve an answer." He could answer that question, at least. Shunsui's eyes seemed to dim.

"I'm sorry, Ezhno." He said softly but Ezhno smiled and shook his head. Then he abruptly tossed his sword in his hand, reversing the blade and resting the tip over his heart.

"Did my story not make it clear to you, Shunsui, that I think the shaman was right?" He said lightly as he saw grey eyes widen again with surprise. "I should never have been born." He believed that, with all his heart. His existence was something that should never have taken place. "Or if not that, I should have been strangled at birth. I have never brought anyone anything but misfortune." He tilted his head back, gazing up at the moon. It was a crescent moon, reminding him of Hueco Mundo. A fitting place for such a tainted, worthless soul as his. "I will not make you stain your hands with my blood a second time." He said tranquilly. He should have done this the first time. If he had, little Nina would have lived. But no, he'd looked for a better death and doomed her as well. "I will do it myself." He closed his eyes, taking a slow breath as he steadied himself. He would –

"NO!" The hand on his wrist was a complete surprise and his eyes flared wide as his blade was suddenly pulled away. He found himself pressed close to Shunsui's chest and stared at the man, his eyes wide. "How can you say that? It's not your fault that a shinigami raped your mother!" He said sharply, gripping him and shaking him a bit. Ezhno blinked, extremely confused. "It's not your fault that you were left alone, with more strength than you could handle. None of this is your fault!"

"…Fault is meaningless…" He knew that quite well, from everything he'd experienced. And this was crazy in a completely different way. "…Weren't you sent to kill me?" He asked, utterly confused. "I did not think that you would want to do it yourself so badly…" This made no sense at all. Why wasn't Shunsui letting him finish the job? Looking into Shunsui's face he saw anger, pain, molten _rage_ in those grey eyes. Had he ever seen so much emotion on his lover's face?

"I don't care." He said and suddenly their lips were pressed together. Ezhno was still incredibly confused but he did not resist, letting Shunsui pull him into an embrace. "I will make them see you for what you are. I will make them understand." Shunsui breathed into his ear and Ezhno's eyes dimmed at the recklessness of the promise.

"If that could be done, my mother would have done it." She had loved him, despite the terrible circumstances of his birth. But she could not make the tribe accept him. "Shunsui… I do not want this for you." He was going to get himself in trouble, perhaps very bad trouble. A hand tightened in his shirt and Ezhno felt warm breath against his neck.

"You don't understand. That story… it must have been a very long time ago, before non-nobles were allowed to be shinigami." Shunsui said after a moment and he blinked. "We can have you tested for resonance to a noble clan. You must be of our blood… that will give you some rights. Please, Ezhno. Let me try. Come with me to Soul Society."

"…" He considered that very dubiously. His shinigami parent, an asset? Surely there would be some kind of stigma on his birth. Still, the man who'd done it was surely long dead. Hopefully he was. If not and they could actually find him, he would be obligated to kill him. Still… "I… will come with you. But if they decide I must die, I will do it myself." He said firmly. He would not make Shunsui do it for him and he did not want some stranger taking his life, either. There was a soft laugh from his lover.

"Ah, Ezhno… you are such a strange man. I don't think I'll ever understand you." The warmth in Shunsui's voice surprised him and Ezhno smiled, reaching up to gently touch his cheek, feeling the stubble of beard under his palm.

"I feel much the same about you." He said warmly, his heart becoming lighter with every moment. He still didn't believe that good things happened to him, not really. "I love you, you know." Those words were an impulse. Grey eyes softened and then Shunsui was pulling him into a passionate kiss.

"I know." He breathed when the kiss was done and Ezhno noted that he was not returning the words. But that was fine. He did not – "I love you too." He blinked, suddenly feeling breathless.

"Shunsui…" He allowed himself to rest in the other man's arms, feeling better than he had in his life. Would this be forever? He did not know.

But right now, he felt like it might be.


End file.
